I am afraid of what will happen of us. I am afraid of our relationship and where it's going. I am afraid that if I voice out my opinions like I always do you'd avoid me (like what I am doing now) because the reality is, you are in love with her.

Sometimes I wonder, what if I was as thin as her? Would you change your feelings? Your perception? I am kind of tired of playing second fiddle.

All I can do right now is to keep all this in my heart, don't hope much(I am tired of disappointments) and be your best friend, even though you're closer to her. All I can do is to be here and give you everything I can. I will not expect anything in return because that's what love is. Giving despite poverty. Giving despite anger. Despite being tired. Despite being hurt. Giving everything. Giving. Give.

Look, I have to say sorry if I offended any of you people by not sounding empathetic. This is because I really don't care about your BGRs especially at this age. Sure you get heartbroken but then the heartbreak leaves. You get over it.

It's not as if I am selfish and I cannot be bothered with any of your affairs but it's just that, like Najeera said, we have better things to worry about. I'm not saying in any way that my problems are worse than yours but it's that I have better things to worry about.

I can list it out for you but since I'm so close to collapsing on the bed I will leave you guys in peace. Just do the same thing to me.

life is nothing but a dream

Well, life sucks right now. We have started hitting on the books. I have come to realize that most men are useless and the best a man can be is a girl's gay best friend-.-

Disappointments will always come but I don't need this much at this point of time in my life.
It is so tiring, you know. Your soul wants to break away and move into another capsule, another person without anything this much to think about. This is why I cannot be bothered with most girls who just broke up because I have better things to worry about. Things that will change my life, thank you very much.

exchanging autographs

It isn't doing so well here and I thought you'd be the one making a long-needed distraction, but no. For all this time I was thinking and waiting for you, you were filling your thoughts with her.

I guess I have to say sorry for that, huh? For wasting so much of your time.

Sudden craving to blog!

Well school starts in... I don't know, 6 days? I am verily so not looking forward to next year because of the following reasons:

1. O levels. Self explainatory.
2. Major lectures from teachers because of it.
3. Major self-study because group studies, even though enjoyable, are majorly distracting.
4. Need. Chinese. Tuition. Eeep.

The thing is hor, I really don't mind going to school... It's the place I hate because there is nothing else for me to look forward to in the country. I can't go out alone as much anymore because of the Os, and that means I can't go to town often, which results in lesser arts experience which results in major emotion fail.

Plus plus, Ms Nah isn't teaching us El anymore.

Blah. Major blah. And Mrs Mani will be taking half of our days cause she's taking E maths also and truthfully I love her and she can be awesome if she is on a stable mood (: RLY MRS MANI I AM NOT JOKING it's just that I don't really like the subjects you teach even though I know I need to improve so I guess I really cannot go out la le sigh.

On to happier things, I'm reading a book called laskar pelangi which is part of a tetralogy (other tetralogies like Twilight sucks blood. Sorry for the pun) it's a really nice book about a true story about a guy who came from my grandma's hometown made it all the way to Paris even though he was majorly poor but it's the heartwarmingest story everrrrr.

When I was asked in chinese B oral what my favourite movie was I didn't have to think twice and I automatically went into my train of chinese-mix-english non stop speech. I didn't pass la but it was really fun.

Ok I've lost my craving because I'm sick right nao so bye.

I hate the way time flies so fast. A minute you're enjoying a piece of cake then the next minute it's finished. What seemed like only a month ago when I was canoeing in Bali is actually a year ago. I thought I was only twelve last year.

It sucks especially if you're so far away from your family... Every second with them will count and a week will go by like a day and a month like two. So if you can stop to emphatise people for a while, you'll start to learn that your family isn't so bad afterall (unless, of course, you are abused or something. If that's the case please find help).

Take it from someone who knows and stop complaining about how naggy yadda yadda is. Really, it's annoying.